Thursday, 19 November 2009

Floating adrift

2009 has been a shit of a year for a number of reasons. A mere three weeks ago, however, things were looking up. I was away in China, cycling through countryside and walking The Wall.

But I was looking forward to returning home.

Plans were being made for the future - maybe Melbourne, maybe elsewhere. Regardless, I was looking forward to a relaxed summer down by the beach. With a lighter workload and some spare time on my hands I was planning on finally growing a decent herb garden, getting back into cooking and back to the gym.

Coming back was a nasty shock. To hear that things that I thought were resolving over the past 6 months really weren't resolved at all. That things truly can never go back to how they were. The misery of May was rekindled and relived all over again. That 11 years together is no guarantee of forever.

For the first week I barely stopped crying and I barely left the house.

I'm not crying now (at least not all the time). Now I'm just lost.

I don't know what to think of the future. How do you begin about devising a new future, without the one person that you thought was going to be a constant beside you?

I've got to make a major decision well before December 17 when our lease here expires. Do I stay in this city and find somewhere else on my own, or do I go down to Melbourne alone? (I have a job offer there that starts early Feb). And if I do go, where do I live in between December and February? The logistics of it all exhausts me, when its struggle enough to just drag my body out of bed in the morning.


K not Kay said...

Hi, thank you for your comment. :) I also needed to re-read that post and I can see why you said that it was exactly what you needed to read.

Please email me - I don't see a contact on your profile, but mine is listed on the blog. Please do, I think it would help us both to have a chat. :)

rand(om) bites said...

Oh honey, I had no idea and feel like a real dumb sh*t if you eluded to it when we hooked up last! I am so sorry you're going through this and please call me if you need a mate. I just sent you a text and realised it was 6.30am. Yikes, hope I didn't wake you.

My friend Nadine is going through something similar and you both will get through it, you just will - yoga and blogging about all the good stuff is helping her -

I reckon go to Melbourne. Definitely go to Melbourne for a fresh start. You can live with family/friends for the next 3 months. It's not a big deal. Come to the Byron yoga retreat with me in February and you can crash here too okay!!

You are one hell of a woman and I'm not going to allow you to stay in the dumps for too long. You are smart, beautiful and so much fun with a great big heart. 2009 was really a severe bitch on so many levels for a lot of us. 2010 will be a better year but with a lots of firsts. Hang in there beautiful girl and please lean on me. Call me when you need to or we can go for coffee.

{{{HUGS}}} xx

shinyyoga said...

hey lovely, well life can sure throw curve balls at you hey. You WILL get through it, this too will pass, and now is the time to be with yr friends, don't isolate, surround yourself with love. You are loved, even on those horrid nights when you feel alone.

Hang in there xoxo

Sarah said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are alright and coping ... I'm not sure what else I can add to what K, Mary and Shiny have already brilliantly said. I also reckon Melbourne is a good place to start again ...

Hugs x

yublocka said...

Ladies, thank you so much. Reading, and then re-reading these words of support has helped me get through a rough day. And not the last I'm sure. Expect to hear more soon!

Apple2Hourglass said...

Mate, what a rough trot. 2009 was a pain in the arse for lots of people. 2010 can only be better. Hang in there.
Go to Melbourne, I love Melbourne and would be there in a flash if I could manage it.

yublocka said...

Thanks Bri. Cheers to 2010! Now I just have to decide about this Melb. thing...

Imogen Lamport, AICI CIP said...

If you're moving to Melbourne anyway, why not just do the one move?

We will have to meet up when you get here.

By the way - the winters aren't that cold (not anymore)!

yublocka said...

Imogen, even if I go to Melb I'd have to move twice since I wouldn't start there until March. Hmm maybe I should start a list of pros & cons. I just can't decide!

green ink said...

I had no idea you were facing this darling - I'm so sorry.

It's completely normal to feel sad, overwhelmed and frightened when you've been through something like that, and are facing some big decisions. Just do your best, and be good to yourself. Sometimes you just have to take it one day at a time.

Please believe me that you'll get through this. As much as it hurts right now, and as emotionally depleted as I'm sure you feel, it will get better. Better than better!

I'm sure Melbourne would be a wonderful fresh start for you, but whatever you decide, be excited about what lies ahead. It will be whatever you want it to be. Nothing and no one to hold you back. It's the start of a huge adventure for you!!

Drop me a line anytime you want to talk. Just know that there's lots of people who care and this will all get easier. You'll look back on this time in a few years and see that it was the start of something :)

Thinking of you, sending lots of love and hugs xxxx