Decisions

Hurrah! Some of the uncertainty that hovered around during my last post has now been resolved.



I finally bit the bullet and made some long awaited decisions regarding 2011. I'm staying in Melbourne and just doing casual work. No specialisation. No exams. No contracts. No job security. Actually I'm hoping the casual work will find me not only in Melbourne, but country Victoria, the Gong and maybe even country NSW too.

Lest I celebrate too soon, there's still lots of things I need to do to make this a workable reality. My current work contract runs out in 4 weeks. In that time I need to solidify some of the nebulous options that hover in the wings. I need to sign up with at least one locum agency. Most importantly I need to line up some definite work for February. Bills to pay baby.

A big wide open horizon can be scary. But amazing possibilities!

Intentions

I've been meaning to post here since November, really I have. December hasn't been easy though. There's been a lot of harking back to "this time lat year", mixed in with a healthy dose of "what am I doing next year?", and even more "and what after that?" It's kind of stressful to realise that even now, on December 27th I still don't have any of these questions answered.

It's not like I necessarily want them all answered, either. One last minute job offer (whilst I was enquiring about casual postions) could have resolved all the instability, for one year at least. But that would have meant an interstate move within the next 4 weeks. Back to where I was. Where part of me wants to be, but another (bigger?) part of me is scared of being. I don't think I am ready for that yet.

What I am ready for, I am just not sure.

Finally.....a "what i wore" post

I still don't know what job I'll be doing next year when my one year contract here expires. I had part one of a job interview today, so I guess I'm one step closer to finding out.

And thanks to the marvellous fact that my new digital camera arrived yesterday, I can post photos of what I wore!!

I didn't go too formal for this interview for a number of reasons. It's an internal job for the company where I'm already working, so theorectially it could have been held on a day I was already at work. The department I'm interviewing for is quite informal; pretty much everyone just wears scrubs to work, so a suit would have looked very out of place. Also I'm currently on annual leave and was going in specifically for this interview on a day off (ok maybe that's not a very good excuse, but I'll take what I can get).

Initially I was going to wear this:



Sorry for the blurry shot. New camera hiccup I hope!

But at the last minute I decided to swap out the black vest for a red top.



I felt put-together in this outfit, and definitely more dressed up from normal - it's officially the fourth time I've worn heels all year, and yes I am counting!! I still felt comfortable though, and felt more "me" with some kind of bright colour. I didn't feel out of place in the environment I was being interviewed in at all.

My interviewer even commented on the red vest and said it looked fun and that I looked "personable". I hope that's a good thing!

Where does the time go?

Yet again it's been an inordinate amount of time between posts. My excuse is that for the last 3 months I've been back on the Monday to Friday grind of ward work. With a good helping of weekend cover shifts thrown in as well.

But as of this Friday afternoon I'll be back on shift work. Is it strange that I can't wait? I love having random days off during the week even if it does mean working a lot of weekends. I'm also looking forward to working 40, rather than 70 hours per week.

And who knows, maybe as well as giving me more time for blogging, it will also give me more time for doing something to blog ABOUT!

Depending on what (if any) job I end up getting for next year, I may never have another ward job again. We shall see!

I shouldn't complain too much though. I've just had a lovely weekend off. I was technically on-call all weekend, but didn't have to go in at all. Instead I went and saw the Tim Burton exhibtion, then went out and drank waaaaay too many cocktails, then slept in and caught up with a friend visiting from Sydney at my favourite cafe. So it's not all work and no play.

Today when I got home after 11 hours at work, I was tempted to kick back and bludge around the apartment (yet again). Instead I dragged myself out for a walk along the beach. Wandering along, I ran into 2 seperate people I know and stopped to say hello. While I still don't feel exactly "at home" here, it is nice to see familiar faces and feel like I have some connections here.

Next challenge is to go for a run after work, or maybe actually make it to a yoga class or the pool. I'm working 15 hours tomorrow though, so it certainly won't be then!!

Headcold and liver failure

Cheery title huh? Well I've been home sick with a headcold today, so what can I say, cheery I am not! If I was doing any other job I would probably have gone into work today and just tried to keep a low profile. You can't really fly under the radar too much in ED though. You still have to go see your own patients, hunt people down to talk to about them etc. Exhausting sometimes, and I knew I just couldn't do it today.

Instead, I lounged around most of the day. I ventured outside for about 45 mins to go to the post office and the supermarket and that's it. I dressed up a bit more more than I normally would for such an outing, because I didn't want to look as bad as I felt.



Loving the drapey SS cardie. It's cozy and I kicked about in this outfit for the rest of the day. Does it look funny that the sleeves of the aqua t-shirt poke underneath the shorter cardigan sleeves?

I picked up that necklace from Forever 21 in LA many years ago but have only worn a handful of times for some reason. I'm not sure if the length works too well on me; is it too short to be a long necklace? It's definitely too long to be a short one.

And just as a bonus, here's an outfit I wore to work recently, featuring a yellow top. I know that doesn't sound earth shattering to anyone else, but for me it's literally been 20 years since I wore a yellow top. I have a clear memory of my mother telling me I looked jaundiced in a yellow top I used to wear when I was much younger.



What do you think? Can I get away with it, or does it make me look like I have liver failure?

To wear inside the frigid conditions at work, I popped a cardie over the top. That made me feel a lot less self-conscious.



After braving the supermarket, I've come home and made a pot of Thai Chicken noodle soup. It's now 8:30pm and I'm going to take myself off to bed. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I'll feel human enough to face work!!

Sometimes the job is worth it

I've been whinging a lot about the fact that in the first 5 weeks of this term I have been rostered on every single Saturday bar one, and every single Sunday bar none.

Truth is it's probably a blessing in disguise, because weekends can be a lonely time to be at home with too much spare time on your hands. I know all about that from weekdays, heh.

Anyway today my last patient made missing out on a gorgeous nearly-Summer Saturday worthwhile.

A gorgeous 18 yo girl came in with stomach pain. Simple complaint right? I thought it would be a cruisy patient to end my shift with. She was haemodynamically stable, not pregnant and with no sign of infection or anything else too nasty physically. However it did turn out that she may or may not be bulimic, and most definitely is harbouring suicidal thoughts.

To not just see the tears, but to palpably feel her relief at hearing someone say that it's good she came in for help, and that it's okay to talk about these things brought tears to my eyes. Literally.

I don't know what conclusions to draw from this, other than to say I really don't hate my job all the time.

An atypical Saturday night

This was what my Saturday night consisted of:

• Inserting a pigtail drain into a patient with a large pneumothorax - instructed by the surgical reg step by step of course!
  
• Assisting in a C-section (it was a boy)
• Arrest call #1 - patient ended up ok-ish but needing multiple blood transfusions for Hb 64 with ongoing melaena who is not a surgical candidate
  
• Arrest call #2 - actually we were there pre-arrest while he had no radial pulse and unmeasureable BP. After he crashed he was brought back after 20mins of CPR with several cracked ribs. He ended up getting a femoral line and more CPR and was even about to be transferred to ICU until he arrested again and didn't come back. RIP. I got to do some bag and masking, some CPR and and course filling in the death certificate (interns job is always the paperwork!)
• Being told to "piss off" by a patient who had chest pain prior. Noice!

I can't wait to have a nice quiet Saturday night (or any other for that matter) at home in front of the telly again. Still, all those events were interesting and I learnt heaps...well except the last one of course!

4 nights down, 3 to go (and counting!)

An understated description of the last 8 months of my life

This article a friend showed me from the Readers Digest is a surprisingly true-to-life depiction of the first few months of this year for me. Although really, it understates how terrifying and how satisfying things can be if you ask me!







Intense moments of pure panic....check
Getting asked questions by patients and family you just can't answer...check
Failing miserably at cannulas...check
Dying patients....check
Wanting to faint in surgery....check
Still really liking your job for some strange reason....check

Let's hope that last point continues to be true!

Reworked work outfits

I didn't have time to take any new photos this week, however since I'm so behind in posting, I do have new photos to share. This first picture was taken a few weeks ago, but I wore this exact outfit again this week, so it's not really cheating.

Don't die of shock, but apart from my yellow watch, this outfit is all neutrals - a rare thing for me indeed!!



This is a subtle variation of an outfit I previously posted, simply swapping out the boots and necklace. I now need to try and think of some other way of wearing this top. Any suggestions?

Despite really liking this dress, I didn't think the outfit I first wore it with worked 100%. I felt a lot better in attempt #2.



Not sure if its the lighter boots, the tights, or the coloured top, but it feels a lot more *me*. I'll have to keep on experimenting with this dress to see what else does and doesn't work.

Down to the pub + bonus old outfit

Here's what I wore to the local pub last night. It's a very casual place, where anyone not wearing a flanno shirt, faded jeans and not drunk by 7pm is out of place.



They do a mean burger and chips, and for $8 too! I had the Mexi chicken one, next time I'll go for the lentil. I wish I had taken a picture it was that yummy.

I had to rug up on the way there. Winter has officially struck around these parts. This was my first proper coat outing of the year (in Australia)!



Weirdly enough I just compared our forecast to both San Fran and Toronto. In the midst of our winter we are only a few degrees below you right now in your summer. Are we wussy or what!!!


And now for the bonus: catching up on an outfit I wore way back on March 2nd but never got around to posting. Clearly it was a lot warmer then! What do you think of these pants? They are stretchy and comfy, but don't excite me in any way. I'd never wear them anywhere other than work.

Bye-bye crazies

Today was my last day of psychiatry. I am *really* *really* going to miss it. For now, psychiatry is definitely right up there as a career option for me. I am going to miss the patients and the people I worked with there like crazy (gedddit?)

I'm also experimenting with posting daily outfits here as I wear them. Saving the whole lot for the end of the week just makes me dread putting together one long post. Be prepared for an inundation of short posts if this method turns out to be easier!!!!

Here's what I wore on my last day. This top is a supremely comfy dress/tunic from Target. On me, its so short that I don't think I could wear it with leggings. Overall this outfit scores a staggering 11/10 for comfort!!!



- Target grey striped knit tunic
- Portmans black skinny pants
- Red Wittner boots
- Turquoise necklace from Hoi An, Vietnam