And just to kick me while I'm down

Other not-so-nice occurences in the preceding week:

• My mobile phone carked it. It simply won't turn on. Tried plugging it in. Removing the battery and putting it in again. None of it works. And the killer? I can't find the frackin' receipt. This little baby is worth $800. I paid about $400 on eBay only a few months ago and I am still spewing.

• $200 parking fine. Didn't even see the feckin' minature sign saying Bus stop. I have never seen a bus anywhere near that street either. Tried pleading against it, but no go.

• My toaster broke. It was the first appliance I bought well over 10 years ago when I first moved out of home. Never a squeak of a problem, until the other day one of the metal inner trays just snapped. Now I'm resorting to cooking my morning toast under the eletric grill which takes approximately five hundred years and increases my chances of not watching and accidentally burning the toast thousand-fold.

So sure I've been moping around and barely leaving the house. But with shit like that happening, wouldn't you?

Floating adrift

2009 has been a shit of a year for a number of reasons. A mere three weeks ago, however, things were looking up. I was away in China, cycling through countryside and walking The Wall.

But I was looking forward to returning home.

Plans were being made for the future - maybe Melbourne, maybe elsewhere. Regardless, I was looking forward to a relaxed summer down by the beach. With a lighter workload and some spare time on my hands I was planning on finally growing a decent herb garden, getting back into cooking and back to the gym.

Coming back was a nasty shock. To hear that things that I thought were resolving over the past 6 months really weren't resolved at all. That things truly can never go back to how they were. The misery of May was rekindled and relived all over again. That 11 years together is no guarantee of forever.

For the first week I barely stopped crying and I barely left the house.

I'm not crying now (at least not all the time). Now I'm just lost.

I don't know what to think of the future. How do you begin about devising a new future, without the one person that you thought was going to be a constant beside you?

I've got to make a major decision well before December 17 when our lease here expires. Do I stay in this city and find somewhere else on my own, or do I go down to Melbourne alone? (I have a job offer there that starts early Feb). And if I do go, where do I live in between December and February? The logistics of it all exhausts me, when its struggle enough to just drag my body out of bed in the morning.

An awesome quote

A beautiful quote from Busy Bee's blog:

Please understand God not only in the traditional, perhaps narrow minded context, but in a freer one, where every human been may believe in every God he / she chooses to. I understand God as goodness, generosity, but also truth, self - reflection, admitance of mistakes and a c t i o n s towarding changing things. I consider God to be inside of us, and this can be expressed by being the best people that we can be, for ourselves first and then for others. God is also a teacher, expressed in the everyday lessons life brings. We can all be little gods by realising, doing and acting out our dreams. Time is precious to be spent just in dreaming. Let's all DO.

An atypical Saturday night

This was what my Saturday night consisted of:

• Inserting a pigtail drain into a patient with a large pneumothorax - instructed by the surgical reg step by step of course!
  
• Assisting in a C-section (it was a boy)
• Arrest call #1 - patient ended up ok-ish but needing multiple blood transfusions for Hb 64 with ongoing melaena who is not a surgical candidate
  
• Arrest call #2 - actually we were there pre-arrest while he had no radial pulse and unmeasureable BP. After he crashed he was brought back after 20mins of CPR with several cracked ribs. He ended up getting a femoral line and more CPR and was even about to be transferred to ICU until he arrested again and didn't come back. RIP. I got to do some bag and masking, some CPR and and course filling in the death certificate (interns job is always the paperwork!)
• Being told to "piss off" by a patient who had chest pain prior. Noice!

I can't wait to have a nice quiet Saturday night (or any other for that matter) at home in front of the telly again. Still, all those events were interesting and I learnt heaps...well except the last one of course!

4 nights down, 3 to go (and counting!)

Different....ouch

For yesterday's exercise, I went and did a beginner's yoga class.

That doesn't sound like much of a big deal, does it? But to me it was, for several reasons.

It's now, what, September? That means it's been 9 months since we moved here. That means its been 9 months that I've been thinking "I REALLY need to go and check out the yoga place just around the corner". You know how it goes. The longer you leave something, the bigger deal it seems and the harder it is to get off your butt and do it.

I'll admit it, I was also SCARED. Yep I am a wuss. Entering a brand new studio with a new teacher and new other students is a daunting thing. Plus this is an Iyengar class, which I don't know much about, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

And guess what - surprise surprise - but IT REALLY WASN'T THAT BIG A DEAL. Sure I felt self-conscious entering the room and not knowing what to do. I also had to deal with my usual claustrophobic tendencies when someone set up their mat so close to me and wedged me into a corner that for some of the poses the instructor asked them to move it a bit away.

But all up I am so glad I went. The different style of class was interesting. It never really twigged to me that this is what a non-Vinyasa class would be like. The props were a bit scary at first, but we only used pretty simple ones so it wasn't too bad.

Will I go back? DEFINITELY. Once my muscles recover. My back and shoulders are feeling it today baby!

Up up up!

I really need to get exercise back into my daily routine. To kickstart this process I'm challenging myself to do some form of exercise every day for 30 days. Today I got a few friends over and walked up and down the Sublime Point track.

It sure was steep: in 1km you ascend 415m! Breathtaking views from the top however, so well worth it!

As of Wednesday I am working nights for 7 days straight (10:30pm-8:30am). That's really going to muck up my schedule and knock about my exercise plans. I'm going to do my best to do at least a walk or a bike ride every day though!

See more progress on: exercise every day for 30 days

One small step for man...

One massive step for me: I have a bike!

Would you be at all surprised to hear that I based my choice of bike in wanting a red one? Seriously there were way too many options in the store and I know zero about bikes to make an otherwise informed decision.

The guys at the shop were very patient and helpful, and didn’t make me feel like a ditz. Even today when I called them saying I can’t move the front gear up. Speaking of which, I better go test out their suggestions just to make sure it is user error and not something wrong with the bike!

Here’s where I went for my first ride yesterday (8km). Such a gorgeous track with great views.

After about 15 rides I need to take the bike back to the shop for a free service. And I want to get a front basket so I can go shopping with it. And maybe a pair of proper bike pants so my a$$ doesn't fall off in pain.

Can you tell I’m excited!!!

EDIT: just went and tried their suggestion of pressing on the gear longer. Guess what it works. DOUBLE OOPS!!

See more progress on: Get a bike and start bike riding